I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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