haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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