Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
ok first of all what the fuck
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
