quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
