You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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