All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
