you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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