she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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