actually, I'm a sock model
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
