Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
