i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
