Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
