My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
