Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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