I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
