What did we do last night that was yellow?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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