I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
