i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
