windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
