I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
