Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
