so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
In America we eat man semen.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
