I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
