my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
