and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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