he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
