I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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