you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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