Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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