he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
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