i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
