Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
