True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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