Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
