someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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