dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the condom got lost in my hair
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
