If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
