She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
