weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
