It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
