yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
