i always forget guys have bellybuttons
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
