I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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