I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
