He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
