Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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