Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
