so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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