you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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