i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
